Because it is bigger than 10
Since I am slowing down my man whorin’ ways I thought I’d pass on 11 tips for meeting someone. Why does it go up to eleven? Also, these are hardly original I am sure you can find these in any self help book or spy manual but they won’t be as fun to read.
- Remain still and composed
Being still projects the fact that you are calm, cool, and collected. Fidgeting is not only the antithesis of being calm, cool and collected but it also makes you look like a twitchy freak. Like Gollum.
- Smile genuinely
In some random study that I vaguely remember smiling is important. Smiling also helps set the mood that you are fun(ny) person. In case you don’t smile naturally think of something funny. Like Benji . . . at improv club . . . with his shirt off.
- Maintain eye contact
Have you ever seen a guy get a date after talking to a girl’s breasts? Yeah I guess that is a poor example . . . stupid frat boys causing a lot of anomalies. Eye contact demonstrates that you are listening, are attentive, and are not disturbed by their lazy eye. Also, maintain as much eye contact as is comfortable. Think Matt Damon not Charles Manson.
- Employ the same body language as you would if it were an old friend
By doing this once again you are displaying that you can be a fun person and that you are comfortable around that person. So act friendly. Light touches are fine i.e. touching the arm and such (it is reassuring and leads the person to believe you are interested physically). Just remember no large displays of affection – there’s a time and a place for that, like my bedroom and now.
- Opening statement is crucial
Your first words will make or break you. Don’t preclude yourself from conversation by saying something like “Sure is smoky/bright/dark/skanky in here.” Small talk works well. And if you have the wit of James Bond use it.
- Assess then focus on the other person’s interests
Find out what interests them, prompt them to talk, then shut up and listen
- Mirror Body Language and echo speech habits
Obviously don’t repeat what they say but use a somewhat similar vocabulary. If you hear them mention “supper” then use the term “supper” rather than “dinner.” If the person repeatedly uses “like” then she better be damn hot to tolerate such “conversation”
- Be willing to talk about yourself
Obviously you are having a conversation with the person so they may want to hear you talk. If you talk about yourself, which is what they will probably want to hear about, sound impressive without showing off. Of course this is a thin line, if someone asks if you’re a god, you say, “YES!”
- Be prepared for likely topics
Meeting this person at a book club? Seems likely that you will talk about Grapes of Wrath rather than ballet. Just think about your setting and possible topics. No one talks about Noam Chomsky in a bar.
- Maintain unshakable confidence
Nothing witty here. Don’t let feelings of inadequacy to come in. It will just cramp your style.
- Work the silences
Be aware of how the person reacts to the silences. If you caused conversational death try and redirect the topic in order to facilitate talking. Silences can be good and statistically there is a silence in conversation once every 7 minutes. In general though think of it like a game of basketball, if you have the ball either shoot it or pass it.