Engineer & Entertain

Ideas I grapple with

Dihydrogen Monoxide Vessels with Bernoulli Based Tubes

Many people have stated that I should have my water bottle with straw patented.  Now I don’t know much about patent law but I don’t think I can necessarily patent combined technologies – though the pen clock would lead me to think otherwise.  Anyway, here are some instructions to make your very own Nalgene water bottle with a Camelbak straw. 

First, remove the cap from your Nalgene.  I know, this process is so very difficult.  Next, take something pointy and poke a hole in the center of the lid.  The first time I did this, I used a drill and a drill bit.  The second time I made one I used the awl from my Victorinox Soldier.  Point being, it doesn’t matter how you do it but you need to put a hole in the lid that is a little smaller than the Camelbak tube.

Next and possibly finally put the straw in the hole.  Fathers, if you’re making this with a son or sons now would be a good time to have the birds and the bees talk with your sons.  The straw and hole make a lot more sense than the birds and bees.  Seriously what do birds and bees do with each other?

The previous step I said might be your last step.  I said this because if you made the hole the right size then a seal will be formed ergo preventing the bottle from leaking.  If you made the hole too big then you will be required to epoxy it.  Well, I guess you are not required to epoxy it, but you’ll end up a lot less wet if you do. 

Additionally, I recommend you add some cool decorations so you know that the bottle is yours because clearly a straw sticking out of the top of it won’t narrow it down.  A racing strip will make it go faster so that is recommended.  Flame decals are cool too though I added this sticker. 

Anyway, there you go.  You now have the ability to drink from a sealed bottle via a straw. 

     Nalgene Bottle: 8 dollars

     Replacement Camelbak Straw: 6 Dollars

     Ability to drink from a straw:  Priceless

     There are some things money can buy, for everything else there’s a nerd able to provide a set of instructions. 


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14 thoughts on “Dihydrogen Monoxide Vessels with Bernoulli Based Tubes

  1. I didn’t ever know you made this yourself. I assumed you bought it somewhere.

  2. And that’s how it really happened.

    If any one cares (I know I don’t!), I made the first bottle during the summer between my senior year of high school and my freshman year of college. I eventually made another bottle because it turns out that if you don’t clean them after drinking mountain dew the straws can become distgusting.

  3. Anonymous on said:


    Can you believe its been a year?!?!?!

    I’m going to use the Nalgene bottle I peed in.

  4. Anonymous on said:

    Fun fact for the kids:

    Anything that required creativity that hasn’t been done by anyone else is, at heart, patentable. This is why the idea of displaying movies inside of a webpage is patented, despite that company having patents on neither movie- nor webpage- technology, and is in fact how must bizarre and byzantine tech patents work.

    So I expect to see Milanowski-brand Water Bottles on shelves soon. Chop-chop.

    • Anonymous on said:

      And again, that was me, Klaus. I should really think about registering sometime.


      • I liked it better when you were mysterious.

      • What do you mean when he was mysterious? First and foremost, you can tell just by the writing that it is indeed Klaus. You can almost hear that hearty laugh in the writing.

        Anyway, my actual point to be making is that Klaus still is mysterious. How much do you know about the man? Do you know his birthday? Place of birth? Mother’s maiden name? What about his opinion on Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure? Do you know how he feels about chipolte? That’s what I thought! Many a man has claimed to know the legend of Klaus, but no one has ever gotten to know the man.

    • Putting a hole in something is creative! Time to go to my way back machine, I mean, patent office!

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