The other day I received a large, banal envelope from Purdue University which contained my second diploma from them. For those of you keeping track at home I currently possess a Bachelor of Science in General Health Science and Forensics and a recently earned Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I was also on an improv comedy team at Purdue – there now you have a fourth of my resume in this one little paragraph.
The envelope reminded me not only do I have a variety of entertaining nursing school anecdotes I also need to get a job. The chances favor me in getting a job at a local Valparaiso hospital; however, should any of my 8.7 readers know of a job that a young, dashing, creative person such as myself would be interested in please pass it along.
Since I am sure a person would altruistically pass on career information I figured I would pass on some of the observations noted from spending over 100 hours in a Lafayette ED.
· If you have margarine colored discharge from your penis, you probably have an STI. Get it treated immediately and please disclose such information to your sexual partners (all of them). Women you may not have this discharge but if your partner does, well, there may be some ‘splaining to do.
· For parents or those of you who plan to become – kids hurt themselves all the time. Your kids will live without you. Please do not panic. Every day I would have at least one 4 – 7 year old needing stitches and at least one 4 – 12 year old with a broken/twisted/sprained anatomical part. These things happen.
· Analgesics are not rectal suppositories. Yes, this was a joke on Scrubs but this explanation was needed one night in the ED.
· If a piece of your body should become unattached put it on ice and come to the hospital immediately. This is the one thing that duct tape will not fix.
· Finally, you will wait a long time in the ED if you are able to breathe and pump blood under your own power. If you have something broken you will wait for four hours. If you have a migraine you will wait for four hours. If you are being brought in by the police you will wait for four hours while a student practices IV sticks on you.