Engineer & Entertain

Ideas I grapple with

And now for an ultra quick round of 185

185 cell phones walk into a bar . . .

. . . they sit at a table for an hour, and no waiter comes. Finally one says, “This must be a T-Mobile joint, because there’s no service here.”

-Andy Ober

. . . They go up to the bar to order a drink, but the bartender spends all his time serving the other patrons. Finally after ten minutes of being ignored, the cell phones walk out. In hindsight, they should’ve known that at just a bar they’d get lousy service.

-Paul Kuliniewicz

. . . Well, it’s not so much a bar, but a nightclub with a bar in it. But anyway. The cell phones are in there, having a good time, until a raver goes up to one of the cell phones and asks, “hey man, got any X?” The cell phone says no, but the raver persists, “c’mon man, hook me up.” The cell phone, annoyed, says no again, and turns his back. But the raver doesn’t give up, “come on, I know you got some.” The cell phone finally turns back around and exclaims, “Look, punk, get it straight: my chipset has CDMA!”

-Paul Kuliniewicz

~ the bouncer stops the group at the door and says, “Hey you guys, I’m gonna need to check if you’re 21 or not.” and the leader of the cell phones is like, “Oh, it’s ok sir. We’re all over-ages.”

-Renee Leyburn

~ the barkeep is like “What are you guys doing out and about so late tonight?” and one of the cell phones says “Oh, you know, just roaming.”

-Renee Leyburn

~ this one guy phone saunters up to this girl phone and he’s like “Gee baby, you’ve just swept me off my feet. I’ve never seen anything quite like you. You’re cingular!”

-Renee Leyburn

~ this one girl phone is on the arm of this guy phone and all evening every single time he even starts to talk to anybody else, she’s just all over him, getting his attention back on her. Finally one of his buddies says to another one, “What is up with this new woman of his? She’s so possessive!” and the second buddy is like, “Oh don’t you know? She’s the new EnV.”

-Renee Leyburn

~ this one guy phone is looking to get laid that night, so he’s scoping out the other phones at the bar. The barkeep notices what he’s doing, and he leans over and tells the guy, “Hey look, if you’re wanting a good time, no strings attached, Janice over there is a hooker you know.” Well the guy phone would go for it normally, but he’d fallen on some hard times so he tells the barkeep, “No, thanks, but I just can’t afford that tonight.” and the barkeep waves his hands and he goes “No, no you don’t have to worry about that! Free nights and weekends!”

-Renee Leyburn

. . . two guy phones are chatting it up when a smokin’ hot new model comes in

the first phone says to the second, keep yer-eyes-on her (Verizon)

-Ryan Garwood

185 microscopes walk into a bar

~ and this one girl microscope is checking out this really hunky guy microscope. I mean he is fine. And she nudges her galpal and she’s like “Hey, I wouldn’t mind checking out his focal length!”

-Renee Leyburn

~ /movie theater, and all the microscopes get their popcorn and nachos and Miller Highlifes(ves?) and they sit down to see the movie (The Lakehouse) and the picture is just jumping all over and fuzzy so they all start yelling “Focus! Focus!”

-Renee Leyburn

~ and it’s a disco bar of course, and this one guy microscope saunters over to a cute girl microscope and he’s like “Hey baby, wanna dance? I know the slide.”

-Renee Leyburn

. . . and one hits it off with this lady and they leave together. Several weeks later the lady is back in the bar and the barteder askes what happened. And the lady says, “I was sick of always being under the microscope.”

-Corrie Milanowski (nee Golando)

. . . and they all sit down at a table.  A waiter comes up to one of them and says, “I bet you’d like a micro-brew.  Ha!”  Then the microscope says, “Hey fuck you, you sack of shit.”

-Andy Ober

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6 thoughts on “And now for an ultra quick round of 185

  1. The entries are presented in nearly unedited form i.e. in some cases I added the three periods to fill in for ellipses. I did not edit the spelling, grammar, presentation, or joke otherwise.

    I had “185 cellphones walk into a bar . . .” and “185 microscopes walk into a bar . . .” as away messages and the improvisationalists filled in the rest.

    The entries are posted in the order received. None of the entrants were aware of previously submitted jokes ergo I am sharing them now.

  2. Anonymous on said:

    For the record, my making an MDMA/CDMA pun makes up for the fact that Andy executed a “no service” punchline better than I did.

    – PK

    • I expected some overlap in the puns made. I decided I would post all the puns even if I received several which were similar in punchline. All that said, I loved the MDMA/CDMA pun. It made me laugh for quite some time.

      I also enjoyed Renee’s pun about a hooker having free nights and weekends.

      • You wouldn’t think that that business plan would work so well for a prostitute, but there it is.

        I personally enjoyed Andy’s micro-brew line.

  3. Anonymous on said:

    185 cell phones walk into a bar and nobody else notices.

    185 microscopes walk into a bar and everyone finally notices the cell phones.

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